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mckee1952
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Subject: Eating Chinese
Chicken Surprise
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise'.
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'
The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'
(You're going to love this. You're going to hate yourself for loving this!)
'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck'.
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mckee1952
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Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on,this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your Mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."
She will be eligible for parole in three years.
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mckee1952
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HOW IS NORMA?
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, Is it
possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?= "
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear.
What's the name and room number of the patient?"
The grandmother, in her weak, tremulous voice, said Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with
the nurse's station for that room.."
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have
good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well.
Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her
physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried.
God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit."
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